The Road Trip Of Insanity
by HieiDragonFire
Summary: L , Light , Near , Misa and Mellow go on a road trip. Chaos ensues. I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE.
1. The Insanity Begins

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 1 :

"The Insanity Begins''

Near got in the driver's side of the van as L sat beside him in the passenger's side. Light , Misa and Mellow got in the back.

"So where are we going again ? ,'' Light asked.

"Nowhere ,'' L said , "We're going on a road trip. We'll be on this trip for several days.''

"I don't care how long we're gone as long as I have my two new robots ,'' Near replied , "Their names are Bob and Kel.''

L stared at him and shrugged. Mellow gaped at him in shock and then turned to Misa.

"What the fuck is wrong with him ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Beats me ,'' Misa replied.

"Hi ,'' Near said putting Bob in front of Mellow's face , "I'm Bob. How are you today , Mellow Yellow ?''

"Mellow . . . . .Yellow . . . .What ? ,'' he asked.

"I like big butts and I can not lie ,'' Near made the robot sing , "You other . . . .

L sighed and closed his eyes. If he was still sane after the road trip was over it would be a miracle. He looked at the speedometer.

"Slow down , Near ,'' L said.

Near looked at him.

"What do you mean ? ,'' Near asked.

"You're going above the speed limit ,'' L replied.

Near looked at the speedometer.

"No I'm not ,'' Near replied , "You're crazy , L.''

"I may be crazy ,'' he said , "But at least I don't talk to robots and think they talk back to me.''

"SHUT UP ! ,'' Near shouted hugging the robots close to his chest , "These robots have been my best friends since I was a little kid in the orphanage.''

"How can that be if the two robots are brand new ? ,'' L asked raising an eyebrow.

Near punched L in the face and continued driving. L sighed , counted to 20 silently in his head and then jumped on top of Near. The car swerved to the left and Light grabbed a hold of the steering wheel.

"WOAH ! ,'' Light shouted , "Hey you , guys. Calm down. Are you trying to get us in to a wreck ?''

L responded by putting his foot in front of Light's face. Light's eyes watered up and he fell back.

"P. U. ! ,'' he shouted plugging his nose , "My god , Riuzaki. Don't you ever wash your feet ?''

L and Near stopped fighting and Near continued driving. Mellow looked behind him and saw a gray bag. He looked around at everyone in the van suspiciously and then picked up the bag. He opened it and peered inside.

"What the ? ,'' Mellow asked.

Mellow reached in to the bag and pulled out a knife and some marijuana. He stared at it and looked around the van suspiciously. Suddenly he heard sirens and looked out the back window.

"Fuck , It's the cops ,'' Mellow said.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Near and Light shouted.

"I wonder what they want ? ,'' L asked , "I haven't broken any laws . . . .that I can think of.''

"That you can think of ? ,'' Light asked , "God , Riuzaki.''

"What ? ,'' he asked.

Near stopped the van and rolled down the window. He put on his most polite smile and looked up at the face of the officer standing in front of him.

"What's the problem , Officer ? ,'' Near asked calmly.

"Do you have any idea of how fast you were going ? ,'' the officer said.

"Uhhhh . . . . .35 ? ,'' he asked with a straight face.

"You were going 90 , young man ,'' the officer said , "Are you under the influence of any Narcotics ?''

"Nope ,'' Near replied , "I'm Drug free , care free and I don't drink any hairspray.''

"Riiiight ,'' he stated , "I think I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car , please ?''

"Why ? ,'' Near asked , "What's the problem ?''

"Well you . . . . ,'' the officer started.

"Is it because I have white hair ? ,'' he asked , "Is that it ?''

"Uhhh ,'' the officer said.

"Well look , pal ,'' Near stated , "I can't help it that I was created in a governmental lab as an accidental experiment. The scientists that created me said it was an accident. They put Bleach in the formula and POOF I appeared. They said that I -

"Alright enough ,'' the officer replied , "I don't want to hear it. Just go on your way , young man.''

"Thank you , Officer ,'' Near said.

Near continued driving. L looked at his hands and blinked.

"Light ,'' L stated.

"Yes ,'' Light replied while making out with Misa.

"My hands look . . . .odd ,'' he said.

"What do you mean ? ,'' Light asked.

"Look at them ,'' L stated.

Light stopped making out with Misa and looked at his friends hands. He stared at them for a good long time and sighed.

"I don't see what's wrong with them ,'' Light said.

"Look closer ,'' L said.

"I don't . . .WHAT THE HECK ?! ,'' he shouted.

"I know ,'' L replied , "My hands are Purple. How is that so ?''

"Beats me ,'' Light said.

"I've pondered this myself ,'' he stated , "I think it might have something to do with when we were eating at that one Japanese restaurant , you know the one where we had that fish ?''

"Yeah ,'' Light replied.

"I think my purple hands came from that fish I stuck them in ,'' L said , "You know when I was cleaning it out before I ate it.''

"Hmm ,'' he said , "HEY , LOOK A C-MART PULL OVER , NEAR !''

Near drove up to the C-Mart and they parked. They got out of the van and walked in to the store.

END OF CHAPTER : 1.


	2. Chaos At A CMart

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 2 :

"Chaos At A C-Mart.''

Near , L , Light , Misa and Mellow walked in to the C-Mart and L went in to the bathroom. Mellow started to look at the Chocolate bars and sniffed one.

"What are you doing ? ,'' Near asked.

"I'm trying to decipher if it's either a Chocolate bar or a bar of soap that's disguised as a Chocolate bar ,'' Mellow said.

"Uh huh ,'' he replied.

"OH , GRAPE SODA ! ,'' Misa shouted , "I love Grape soda. Can I have some , Light ?''

"Sure , Misa ,'' Light said.

Misa picked up the bottle and placed it on the counter. She paid the cashier and hugged the bottle to her chest.

"Hmm ,'' L said coming out of the bathroom , "Oh , Pringles.''

L picked up a Pringles container and popped it open. He started to eat it. Light gaped at him in shock.

"RIUZAKI ! ,'' Light shouted.

L stared at him with a straight face.

"What ? ,'' L asked calmly.

"What the heck do you think you're doing ? ,'' he asked.

"Eating ,'' L replied , "What it's look like ?''

"You haven't paid for that yet ,'' Light said.

"Their just Pringles ,'' he stated.

"Yeah , just Pringles that you haven't paid for ,'' Light said.

"Relax , Light ,'' L replied , "I'm a Police Officer. I'm the law so therefore I can just tell the cashier that they were eaten by rats.''

Mellow grabbed fifty chocolate bars and placed them on the counter. The cashier rang them up and then sighed.

"That will be $998.00 ,'' the cashier said , "With tax.''

"$998.00 ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND OR SOMETHING ?!''

"Sir , the price is $998.00 ,'' the cashier stated , "Now will that be cash or credit , sir ?''

Mellow stared at the cashier as if he had grown two heads and then pulled out his gun.

"I'm sorry I don't have a credit card ,'' Mellow said , "Will you accept this instead ?''

"AHHH ! ,'' the cashier screamed hitting the silent alarm , "DON'T KILL ME !''

"SHUT UP ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "GET ON THE GROUND NOW !''

The cashier got on the ground. Near slapped Mellow upside the head.

"OW ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "What was that for ?''

"What the heck are you doing ? ,'' Near asked.

"I'm holding the cashier at gun point so I won't have to pay $998.00 for some stinking candy bars ,'' Mellow said.

"I don't know , Mellow ,'' he said , "Don't you think that's a little . . . . . . .out of line ? Even for you ?''

"No ,'' Mellow replied , "This is out of line , Near.''

Mellow hit Near in the head knocking him unconscious. Next he turned to the cashier.

"Unless you want to end up like my friend there don't move ,'' Mellow threatened.

The cashier nodded. L rolled his eyes and walked up behind Mellow. He calmly put a hand on Mellow's shoulder.

"What the heck do you think you're doing ? ,'' L asked.

"Holding this man at gunpoint until he lowers the price of the candy bars ,'' Mellow growled.

"How many did you buy ? ,'' he asked.

"Fifty ,'' Mellow replied.

"What's the price ? ,'' L asked.

"$998.00 ,'' he replied.

"I can pay that ,'' L said pulling out his credit card.

He swiped it through the slot and then put his credit card away. Suddenly a swat team surrounded the area.

"THIS IS THE POLICE ! ,'' one of the swat members shouted , "THROW DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND COME OUT WITH YOU'RE HANDS UP !''

"Oh , we are so screwed ,'' Light said.

End Of Chapter : 2.


	3. In Jail Or The Misadventure Of

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 3 :

"In Jail or The Misadventure of Albino Boy

and Mellow Yellow''

Near leaned his head back against the bars of his cell and glared at Mellow. Mellow stared at him.

"What ? ,'' he asked tearing open a chocolate bar.

"You nitwit ,'' Near said , "You just couldn't help yourself. You just had to hold the store up.''

"Hey ,'' Mellow replied crossing his arms , "The day I pay $998.00 for a candy bar is the day I put on a pink dress and start playing a banjo.''

"That can be arranged ,'' Near stated.

"What are you going to make me wear a pink dress , ALBINO boy ? ,'' he asked.

Near growled and kicked Mellow in the face.

"I'm sorry , Mellow Yellow ,'' Near said , "Did I hurt you ?''

"Why you little Albino piece of shit ,'' Mellow said , "I'm going to kick your little Albino ass.''

"Bring it on , Mellow Yellow ,'' he replied.

Mellow screamed and jumped at Near. Near moved and Mellow ran in to the cell bars and fell back.

"You are so immature ,'' Mellow growled.

"Oh , I'm immature ,'' Near said , "Who is the one that got us put in jail because he had to pay $998.00 for fifty Chocolate Bars ? Hmmm ?''

"That's it ,'' he stated , "It's go time , Albino Boy.''

"Bring it , Mellow Yellow ,'' Near said.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

"Mellow - ,'' he started.

"Say it ,'' Mellow said , "I DARE YOU !''

Near stared at him for a long time and then blinked.

"Yellow ,'' he said finished.

Mellow tacked him to the ground and proceeded to beat the tar out of him. Near lifted his feet up , placed them on Mellow's stomach and kicked the man off of him. Mellow fell on to his back and got up. Near's fist connected with his face and he went back down.

"There ,'' Near said staring down at the now unconscious Mellow , "Now I can I have some peace and quiet.''

Meanwhile in another cell L , Light and Misa were sitting on the floor. Well actually , Misa was lying on the bed fast asleep while L and Light were discussing their plans on how to break free.

"Alright ,'' Light said , "I have a plan.''

"What's is it ? ,'' L asked.

"We disguise ourselves as guards and then say we were knocked out and that the prisoners escaped ,'' he explained , "Then when they go and search for them we make our escape.''

"Hmm ,'' L said , "It won't work.''

Light stared at L as if he'd just grown another head.

"Why not ? ,'' Light asked.

"How would we get a hold of the keys ? ,'' L asked.

"Umm . . . .I don't know ,'' he replied.

"And you said you were smart ,'' L said.

Light threw a punch at L. L moved and Light punched the wall.

"Then how do you suppose we get out of here ? ,'' Light asked rubbing his sore hand.

"Well . . . . ,'' he said thinking , "Ummm . . . . .Oh , look. Sweets.''

"WHAT ?! ,'' Light shouted , "Now is not the time to be worrying . . . . .Ruizaki , what are you doing ?''

"Excuse me , Officer . . . . ,'' L said looking at the officer's badge , "Flint. I would really appreciate it if you would let me have a doughnut.''

"Piss off ,'' Officer Flint replied.

L stared at him and then at Light. He got an idea.

"Excuse me , Officer Flint ,'' L stated , "Do you have any idea who I am incarcerated with ?''

"I don't give a shit ,'' he growled.

"The man standing next to me is the legendary Kira that's been on the news recently ,'' L said.

"RIUZAKI ! ,'' Light shouted , "SHUT UP !''

"You shut up ,'' L whispered , "Officer Flint if you don't let us out of here I'm going to have Kira right your name in his notebook.''

"Go ahead ,'' Officer Flint said walking off.

"DAMN IT ! ,'' L shouted punching the bars of his cell , "It didn't work.''

"Of course not ,'' Light said , "I could of come up with a better plan.''

"Okay , let's hear it ,'' he replied.

"What ? ,'' Light asked.

"Your better plan ,'' L said.

"Okay . . . . ,'' Light stated thinking , "I don't have one.''

"Ha ,'' he replied.

"Shut up , Ruizaki ,'' Light growled.

"You shut up and listen ,'' L stated , "All we have to do is wait for the guard to fall asleep and then we'll dig our way out.''

"Dig out way out ? ,'' he asked , "With what ?''

"This ,'' L replied holding up a spoon.

"A spoon ? ,'' Light asked , "How are we supposed to dig our way out with a spoon ?''

"The ground is very soft ,'' he explained , "So it should be easy to dig our way out.''

"Pff ,'' Light said , "What ever.''

"What are you boys arguing about ? ,'' Misa asked sleepily.

"Mr. Genius over here thinks he can dig us out of here with a spoon ,'' he replied.

"Really ? ,'' Misa asked , "Cool.''

Meanwhile in the other cell Near was stacking his dice in stacks of ten. He had fifteen stacks and was starting on the third when Mellow woke up.

"What happened ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"You passed out ,'' Near replied.

"I did ? ,'' he asked , "I . . . .I . . . . .''

"You what ? ,'' Near asked.

"Feel like singing ,'' Mellow said standing up and singing , "Oh , everybody clap your hands - And dance to the pretty sunshine of the dayyyyyyyyyyyyy -''

Near punched him in the face knocking him unconscious again. He shook his head and looked at his hand.

"GUARD ! ,'' Near called.

"What do you want ? ,'' the Guard asked.

"MY HAND ! ,'' he shouted.

"What about it ? ,'' the Guard asked.

"LOOK AT IT ! ,'' Near shouted.

"I don't see anything ,'' he said.

"Look closer ,'' Near instructed.

The guard leaned closer and Near punched him in the face knocking him unconscious. Next he took the guards keys and unlocked the door. Near picked Mellow up and put him over his shoulder. Next he carried him over to L , Light and Misa's cell and dropped him on the floor.

"What the heck happened to him ? ,'' L asked.

"He had a confusion about his gender , tried to rape the cell bars and knocked himself out ,'' Near said unlocking the door.

They ran out of the jail and jumped in to the van.

"HIT IT ! ,'' Light shouted.

Near slammed on the gas and they sped away from the jail. They drove for fifty miles . . . . .until they got a flat tire.

"DAMN IT ! ,'' Near shouted.

End Of Chapter : 3.


	4. The Chaos Continues

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 4 :

"The Chaos Continues''

Near got out of the van and looked at the flat tire. He looked at L and then got back in the van.

"Do we have a spare tire ? ,'' Near asked.

"Ummmm ,'' Light said thinking.

"Nope ,'' L stated.

"DAMN IT ALL ! ,'' Near shouted , "Can't we catch a break ?''

"Oh , look ,'' Light said , "It's raining.''

"Raining ? ,'' Near asked poking his head out the window.

The rain beat down on his head. Near ducked his head back in to the van and brushed his hair off.

"Hmm ,'' Near stated , "Maybe we should find a place to sleep. There should be a hotel somewhere around here.''

"I think I know where one is ,'' L said , "Walk straight.''

They walked down the road until they walked by a sign that said 14 miles to Midway Hotel.

"Midway Hotel ? ,'' Light asked , "What kind of place is called Midway ?''

"I don't know ,'' L replied , "Let's just get there.''

"Want to play a game with Bob and Kel ? ,'' Near asked holding Kel out to L.

"Sure ,'' he said taking Kel.

"Hn ,'' Light replied , "You two are just . . . .Hey , look a car.''

"Cool ,'' Mellow stated pulling out his gun , "Free ride.''

"What are you doing ? ,'' Misa asked.

Mellow ignored her as he walked out in front of the car and aimed his gun on the wind shield. The man driving the car stopped.

"We need your car and for you to call a tow truck ,'' Mellow stated.

Later they pulled up to Midway Hotel and got out of the car. Near held Bob up to the man.

"Thank you , sir ,'' Near made Bob say.

"If you even think about calling the cops I know your name and - ,'' Mellow started , "OW !''

Near grabbed him by the ear and pulled him up to the hotel where everyone else was waiting for them.

"I got us three rooms ,'' L said , "I have one for myself. Light and Misa have one. Near and Mellow have the last one. Here are your keys.''

Near snatched the keys and ran to his room. He unlocked the door and shut it behind him locking the door. Mellow walked up to the door and tried to open it.

"Hey ,'' Mellow asked , "What gives ? Near , open the damn door.''

Mellow put his ear to the door and heard Near humming and moving stuff around.

"What the heck are you doing in there , Albino Boy ? ,'' Mellow asked , "Let me in. It's raining.''

Mellow listened closely and heard Near still humming.

"LET ME IN ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

Near didn't answer and turned the TV on.

"That's it ,'' Mellow said , "If you don't open this door I'll knock it down. Do you want me to do that ?''

Near still didn't answer.

"Very well ,'' Mellow said.

Mellow walked backwards about twenty feet and then ran at the door. He hit the door and stepped backwards a few feet. Mellow blinked and shook his head. Next he walked back a few feet and ran at the door again. He did it six more times and then kicked the door angrily.

"THAT'S IT ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "I'M COMING IN THERE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER , ALBINO BOY !''

Mellow looked around and got in the car. Next he started the engine and stepped on the gas.

Near changed the channel on the TV and then heard a noise. He got up and looked out the window to see Mellow driving the car at full speed towards his room.

"GOOD SHIT ! ,'' Near shouted jumping out of the way.

Mellow laughed manically as he crashed the car through the wall of Near's room and stopped. He looked down at Near on the ground.

"Piece of cake ,'' Mellow said.

Near got up and punched Mellow in the face knocking him unconscious.

"Idiot ,'' Near said sitting down on his bed.

Meanwhile L , Light and Misa were sitting in their room. L was sitting on his bed and Light and Misa were lying in each others arms making out.

"I love you , Light ,'' Misa said.

L rolled his eyes and turned the television on.

"You know , Misa . . . ,'' Light stated.

"I should have gone with , Mellow ,'' L said.

L got to his feet and got in bed. He pulled the covers over himself and set the alarm for three in the morning.

The next morning Near opened his eyes and looked at the floor to see Mellow still unconscious. He smiled as he walked in to the bathroom and stripped naked. Next he turned the shower on and took a eleven minuet shower.

After he was done he got out , got dressed and walked back in to the room. Mellow was still unconscious. Near smiled again as he walked over to his bag and pulled out a white bottle labeled **HAPPY JUICE****.**

Next he picked up the phone , dialed room service and ordered two Coffee's ( one decaf the other not ) , Four Pancakes for each of them , three strips of Bacon for each of them and two eggs for each of them. He hung the phone up and waited.

Eighteen minuets later the bellhop dropped of Near's room service order and walked away. Near snickered as he opened the bottle of Happy Juice and poured it in to the decaf Coffee. Next he stirred it with a spoon and set it down. Near picked up his plate and the normal Coffee and sat down to eat.

Twenty minuets later Mellow woke up and sat up slowly. He rubbed his head and looked at the food.

"Room service ,'' Mellow said , "Sweet.''

Mellow sat down in front of his plate and started to eat. A little while later after he was finished he walked in to the bathroom and closed the door without saying a word to Near. Near smiled and waited.

A few minuets later Near heard Mellow singing in the shower. Near covered his mouth to muffle his laughter as he fell to the floor.

"_The world goes round and round_ ,'' Mellow sang from the shower , "_In this happy tree town , Where our friends are so happy today , Where you can take off your hat and sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_

_Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy , I'm so happy today._''

Mellow continued singing for a few more minuets and then turned the water off. Next he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. Mellow walked out of the bathroom whistling while Near sat on his bed with his back to him.

Mellow got dressed and then turned around to face Near. He walked up behind Near and hugged him.

"Good morning , Mr. Snow Bunny ,'' Mellow said.

"Mr. Snow Bunny ? ,'' Near asked.

Mellow walked out of the room. Near chuckled as he packed his bag and Mellow's. He looked at his hand.

"Mr. Snow Bunny ? ,'' Near asked again.

Near fell to the floor and busted up laughing again.

Later they were on the road again. Near looked back at Mellow who was lying down in the back of the van on the floor and singing Nursery Rhymes to himself. Near laughed again.

"So where should we eat ? ,'' L asked.

"Mellow and I had room service ,'' Near said putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

"Hmm ,'' Light said , "Oh , look there's a Denny's.''

They stopped the van and got out. Near dragged a singing Mellow in to Denny's. Too bad Near didn't know what chaos he was about to cause by bringing the happy Mellow in to the restaurant.

End Of Chapter : 4.


	5. The Waffle Incident

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 5 :

"The Waffle Incident''

Near walked up to the desk with the other's and waited to be seated. A waiter walked up to them.

"Good morning ,'' the waiter said , "What can I get you all to drink ?''

"I'll have a Coffee ,'' Light and Misa said.

"Coffee ,'' L stated.

"Chocolate Milk ,'' Near said.

"And for you , sir ? ,'' the waiter asked Mellow.

"I like Dolphins ,'' Mellow said.

"We don't have Dolphins on the menu , sir ,'' the waiter said.

"Near ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"What ? ,'' Near asked.

"Marry me ? ,'' he asked.

"What ? ,'' Near repeated.

"Marry me ,'' Mellow stated.

"Alright ,'' he said , "I've lost my appetite. I'm going out for a smoke.''

Near got up to leave. Mellow grabbed his arm.

"Near , stay with me ,'' Mellow said.

"Let go of my arm ,'' he replied.

"I want your children ,'' Mellow stated.

Near punched him in the face and walked away.

"Freak ,'' Near muttered.

"Light , what do you want to eat ? ,'' Misa asked.

"I don't know ,'' Light replied , "You pick something.''

"Okay ,'' Misa said , "I'll have . . . .Pancakes , Sausage , Eggs , Bacon and a glass of Orange Juice.''

"I'll have the same thing ,'' Light stated.

The waiter walked up to them.

"What can I get for you ? ,'' the waiter asked.

"Me and Light will have Pancakes , Sausage , Eggs , Bacon and two glasses of Orange Juice ,'' Misa stated.

"Okay ,'' the waiter said writing it down , "And for you , sir ?''

"I'll have . . . . . . .Rice Bread Pudding , A Pepsi , some Chocolate Pudding , Bacon , Hash Browns and some Waffles ,'' L stated.

Light and Misa looked at him. The waiter walked off. L folded his hands in front of his face and put his elbows on the table.

"What ? ,'' L asked looking at them.

"How do you eat all of that junk and not gain a single pound ? ,'' Light asked.

"How do you make it through life with being so picky and neat all the time ? ,'' L countered.

"You know what , Ruizaki ? ,'' he asked , "You are such a . . .''

"Yes ? ,'' L asked.

"Such a . . . . ,'' Light said.

"What ? ,'' he asked.

"Such an incompetent bastard ,'' Light said standing up.

"Awww ,'' L muttered in a baby voice , "Is Wight getting upset ? Dose he need Misa to help calm him down ? Hmm ?''

"Why you . . . .little ,'' he said.

"If you're going to stand around then - ,'' L started.

Light jumped over the table and tried to pin the detective to the ground. L moved , grabbed Light's arms and flipped him over and on to the floor. Light growled and started to get up. L placed his foot on his face. Light shrank back and crawled away gasping for air.

"MY GOD , RIUZAKI ! ,'' Light shouted , "Do you ever wash your feet ?''

"Once every four weeks ,'' he responded.

"They smell horrible ,'' Light said.

"They do ? ,'' L asked sniffing them , "Hn. They smell fine , Light. Stop being a baby.''

"Here you are ,'' the waiter said placing their meals in front of them.

"Thank you ,'' L said , "Mmmm. Waffles. All for me.''

"Ummm . . . .Ruizaki ? ,'' Light asked , "Can I have some ?''

"Ummmm . . . .No ,'' he replied.

"Why not ? ,'' Light asked.

"Because they're mine ,'' L said , "If you wanted Waffles you should of ordered some.''

"Can I have just one bite ? ,'' he pleaded.

"Ummm . . .Alright ,'' L replied , "I don't see any harm in it.''

L cut off a very tiny piece and placed it on Light's plate.

"What . . . .the hell . . . .it that ? ,'' Light asked.

"It's what you wanted isn't it ? ,'' he said , "A bite.''

"When I said a bite I meant a little more than that ,'' Light replied.

"Tough ,'' L stated , "I've given you more than efficient amount of my Waffle. Now eat and it be happy.''

L started to eat his Waffles. Light picked up his piece of Waffle and threw it at the detective. The piece of Waffle hit L on the forehead. L took the piece of Waffle off his forehead and ate it.

"Do that again and I'm going to hurt you ,'' L said.

L continued to enjoy his Waffles. Light growled in frustration , got up and decked L in the face with his fist. The detective fell back out of his chair.

"You want some Waffles , Ruizaki ? ,'' Light asked , "Here. Eat them all.''

L started to say something and then three Waffles were shoved in to his throat. Light got up and started to walk back to his seat.

"Light ? ,'' L asked.

"Yeah ,'' he asked.

"Your chances of being Kira just rose up by thirty percent ,'' L replied sitting up.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Light shouted , "How ?''

"You assaulted an officer of the law ,'' he explained , "That's exactly what Kira would do.''

"Well let me show you what you can do with your percentages , Ruizaki ,'' Light muttered.

Later they all walked out of the Denny's. Near spit his cigarette out when he saw the sight before him. L and Light were covered from head to toe in Syrup and Waffles. They got in the van and Near started the engine.

"What happened to you two ? ,'' Near asked.

"Don't ask ,'' L and Light replied.

END OF CHAPTER : 5


	6. Chaos At The Zoo

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 6 :

"Chaos At The Zoo''

Near looked at a brochure in the back of the van and then looked at L.

"Hey , L ? ,'' Near asked.

"Yes , Near ? ,'' L asked.

"Can we go to the Zoo ? ,'' he asked.

"Sure ,'' L replied.

Little did L know what chaos he was about to cause by granting the Albino boy's request. They pulled up to the zoo and got out. Near picked up a map at the entrance and they all walked in. L walked over to the Ostrich cage.

"Oh , look ,'' Mellow said , "A Leopard.''

Mellow ran over to the cage. Near shook his head and walked over to the Dolphins. Light and Misa walked over to the Tigers.

"Ohhh , Light look ,'' Misa squealed , "They look so cute.''

"Tigers are - ,'' Light started.

"I want to feed them ,'' she said.

"Alright ,'' Light said pulling out a candy bar and handing it to Misa.

"I don't think you're supposed to feed the animals in this zoo ,'' Near said.

"Shut up ,'' Misa said , "Here , Tigger.''

"Tigger ? ,'' Near asked.

"Here , boy ,'' she said.

The Tiger walked up to her.

"OHHH ! ,'' Misa squealed with excitement , "He's coming over to me.''

"Um . . .Misa , I really don't think that's such a - ,'' Near started again.

"Good boy ,'' she said , "Good boy. Here.''

Misa tossed the candy bar to the Tiger. The Tiger ate the candy bar and then growled for more.

"Was that good ? ,'' Misa asked.

The Tiger roared in hunger and put it's paws on the cage. Misa sweat dropped and backed away from the cage.

"Umm . . . .good boy ,'' she said.

The Tiger jumped against the cage and broke free. Next it started to chase Misa. Misa ran away screaming.

"Shit ,'' Near stated putting his hand over his eyes and shaking his head.

Mellow walked around and stopped at a Hippopotamus exhibit. He looked at them and then heard screaming. Mellow turned and his eyes bugged out of his head. Misa was running at him with a Tiger behind her.

"GOOD SHIT ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

Mellow turned around and ran with Misa and a giant hungry Tiger behind him.

Meanwhile L was sitting in front of the Ostrich cage and was eating a bag of gummy worms. He smiled and then heard screaming. He looked up and the sight he saw before him made his eyes bug out of his head.

"What . . . .the . . . .he - ,'' L started.

Misa ran in to him and they both fell to the ground.

"HELP US ! ,'' Misa shouted.

L looked up at the Tiger and got to his feet. Next he held his hand out and the Tiger stopped in it's tracks. The Tiger sniffed L's hand and started to rub against his legs. The Tiger purred.

"Good boy ,'' L said , "Nice Tiger.''

Misa , Light , Mellow and Near all stared bug eyed at the "ferocious'' Tiger and the crazy L. L smiled and the Tiger walked off. L looked at them.

"I can't take you guys anywhere without you guys starting some sort of chaos , can I ? ,'' L asked shaking his head.

"It was all Misa's fault ,'' Light said.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Misa shouted.

"You're the one who wanted to feed the damn animal in the first place ,'' he replied.

"Misa , could you come here for a moment ? ,'' L asked.

"Yes sir ,'' she said.

Misa walked over to L and looked at him.

"Alright ,'' L stated , "Do you see the sign behind me ?''

"Yes ,'' Misa said looking behind the detective.

"Can you read it to me ? ,'' he asked.

"Please do not feed the animals ,'' Misa read , "Thank you.''

"Good girl ,'' L replied , "Now what can we learn from this ?''

"That Misa and Light are really dumb ? ,'' Near asked.

"Yes ,'' L said , "And that when there is a sign that says Don't Feed The Animals you . . .''

"Yes ? ,'' Misa asked.

". . .SHOULDN'T FEED THEM ! ,'' L finished , "Now let's visit the rest of the zoo.''

"Can we go see the Lions next ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Sure ,'' he replied , "I don't see -

"Thanks , L ,'' Mellow said running off.

"Dose he even know the right way to the Lion cage ? ,'' L asked.

"Let's hope he gets lost ,'' Near said smiling.

L looked at him.

"Hey ,'' Near stated , "A guy can dream , can't he ?''

They walked over to the Lion cage and saw Mellow sticking his head through the bars.

"Mellow , don't provoke the Lions ,'' L said.

"Wait ,'' Near stated.

Near pulled out a video camera and started video taping Mellow. L , Light and Misa looked at him.

"This would be such a cool video for my new web page ,'' Near said , "IDIOTS IN ACTION.''

"Mellow ,'' L called , "Get your head out of the cage before that Lion eats it.''

"Okay ,'' Mellow said.

Mellow tried to pull his head out of the cage but it wouldn't come out.

"Ummm . . . .I'm stuck ,'' Mellow said.

"Shit ,'' Light stated.

Light walked over to Mellow and started to pull him. He pulled very hard. He wouldn't come lose.

"A little help here ,'' he said to Near and L.

Near and L grabbed him and pulled. Mellow came loose with a pop and landed on the ground.

"Thanks ,'' Mellow said , "Oh , look. The zoo keepers.''

"Excuse me ? ,'' the zoo keeper asked.

"Yes ? ,'' L asked.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave ,'' he said.

"Alright ,'' L replied.

They got in the van and drove off down the road. Near looked at the map and whistled while he looked for something else to do.

"Hey ,'' Near said , "Let's go swimming.''

Light groaned.

END OF CHAPTER : 6


	7. Swimming

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 7 :

"Swimming''

Near pulled on a pair of light red swim trunks and walked out of the van. He looked at the rest of his friends. Light was wearing a pair of dark blue swim trunks , Misa was wearing a pink bikini , Mellow was wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of black swim trunks and L was wearing a pair of brown shorts and a white t-shirt. They walked in to the building and paid the person at the front desk. Next they walked in to the pool room.

"Wow ,'' Near said , "That's a big water slide.''

"Race you to it ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"You're on ,'' he stated.

They ran to the slide and ran up the steps. Mellow got to the top of the slide first and turned around to look at Near standing behind him.

"Ha ha ha ,'' Mellow said , "I got up here b - OOF !''

Near kicked Mellow in the stomach sending him falling down the slide backwards and landing in the pool.

"Oops ,'' Near said , "I seem to have "accidentally" kicked Mellow down the water slide. What a shame.''

Next Near sat down on the water slide and went down. He landed in the pool and then swam over to the ladder. Near climbed out and walked over to L , Light and Misa.

"Where's Mellow , Near ? ,'' L asked.

"In the pool somewhere ,'' Near replied.

"Actually I'm right behind you , Albino Boy ,'' Mellow said.

Near turned around and looked at him.

"I'm sorry did you say something ? ,'' he asked.

"Why you little punk ,'' Mellow stated.

Mellow balled his hand in to a fist and rose it. Near kicked him in the stomach making him pass out. Next Near jumped back in the pool. A kid walked up to Light and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey , Mister ,'' the boy said.

"Yes ? ,'' Light asked.

The boy pointed to Misa.

"Is she your girlfriend ? ,'' the boy asked.

"Yes ,'' Light said.

"She's really ugly ,'' he replied.

"I beg your pardon ? ,'' Misa asked.

"Who's that weird guy sitting next to you ? ,'' he asked.

"I'm a detective ,'' L said.

"You look like a weirdo ,'' the boy said.

"A weirdo ? ,'' he asked.

"Yeah ,'' the boy said.

"What's your name , boy ? ,'' L asked.

"Michael ,'' the boy said.

"Well Michael ,'' L stated , "Do you know what happens to little boys who call other people weirdoes ?''

"What ? ,'' Michael asked.

"Their pictures wind up on the back of milk cartons ,'' L said.

Michael looked at him and then ran away crying.

"God , Riuzaki ,'' Light said , "Why did you have to say that to a little kid ?''

"He was a brat ,'' he replied , "He's probably going to wind up being a delinquent.''

"Whatever ,'' Light said.

"Light ,'' Misa replied.

"Yes , Misa ? ,'' he asked.

"Do you want a hotdog ? ,'' Misa asked.

"Sure ,'' Light replied.

Misa walked up to the snack stand and smiled at the man.

"Hello , miss ,'' the man stated , "What can I get for you ?''

"I'll take one hotdog , please ,'' Misa said.

"That will be $45.23 ,'' he replied.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Misa shouted , "ARE YOU SERIOUS ?!''

"Yes , ma'am ,'' the man said.

"Fine ,'' Misa stated.

She handed the man her money and took the hotdog. Misa walked back to Light and handed him his hotdog.

"Thanks , Misa ,'' Light exclaimed taking the hotdog.

Light started to eat his hotdog when a police officer walked up to him with Michael at his side.

"That's the man ,'' Michael said pointing at L , "That's the man that threatened me.''

"Sir ,'' the officer stated , "Did you threaten this little boy ?''

"I didn't threaten him ,'' L said.

"He says you did ,'' he replied.

"All I said was that bad kids eventually wind up on the back of milk cartons ,'' L stated , "How is that threatening ?''

"Oh ,'' the officer said , "Really ? Alright then. Come on , kid. Let's go have a talk.''

"What ? ,'' Michael asked , "But - HEY !''

The cop dragged him away.

"Kids ,'' L said.

Meanwhile Near was climbing out of the pool. Mellow woke up and shook his head. He got up and walked over to Near.

"Hey ,'' Mellow said.

"What ? ,'' Near asked.

"We're going to settle this once and for all ,'' he replied , "Come on , Albino Boy. Give me your best shot.''

"Very well ,'' Near stated.

Next he kicked Mellow in the face knocking him out again.

"Wow ,'' he said , "I beat Mellow again.''

"Near , was that really necessary ? ,'' L asked.

"Yes ,'' Near replied , "He's an asshole and he deserves to have his ass kicked once in awhile.''

"Whatever ,'' he replied , "Misa wake him up.''

"What are you crazy ? ,'' Misa asked , "I'm not waking him up ?''

"I'll do it ,'' Light said.

He shook Mellow.

"Hey , Mellow ,'' Light stated , "Wake up.''

Mellow opened one eye and then the other one.

"What happened ? ,'' he asked sitting up.

"Near knocked you out ,'' Light explained.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "NEAR !''

"Are you talking to me ? ,'' Near asked looking around.

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M TALKING TO YOU ! ,'' he shouted , "I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR ASS ! COME HERE !''

Next L pulled out a syringe and stuck it in Mellow's arm. Mellow glared at the detective.

"WHAT THE F - ,'' Mellow started , "Whoa. I feel kind of . . . .''

Next Mellow passed out.

"Well I think we've swam enough ,'' L said , "Let's get back on the road.''

They all got back in the van and Near started the engine.

"Off we go ,'' Near said.

END OF CHAPTER : 7.


	8. Bumper Cars

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 8 :

"Bumper Cars''

Near continued driving and looked in the rear view mirror at the unconscious Mellow lying in the back of the van.

"Light ,'' Near said , "Look at the map and tell me if there's anything else we can do ?''

"Alright ,'' Light stated.

He picked up the map and began looking through it. He smiled when he found something.

"What about bumper cars ? ,'' he asked.

"Bumper cars ? ,'' L asked.

"Yeah ,'' Misa stated , "Bumper cars are fun.''

"Hmm ,'' he replied , "Near what do you think ?''

"Sounds like fun ,'' Near said.

"Very well ,'' L stated , "Bumper cars it is.''

Later they pulled up to the Bumper Cars park and stopped the van. They all got out and walked up to the front desk. The man looked at them.

"Good day ,'' the man said.

"Hello ,'' L replied , "5 tickets for Bumper Cars please ?''

The man handed L the tickets and he took them. Next he turned around and handed everyone a ticket.

"Alright ,'' Mellow said , "I am so going to cream your ass , Albino Boy.''

"Whatever , Mellow Yellow ,'' Near muttered.

Next they stepped on the peddles and the game began. Mellow laughed manically as he drove at Near and tried to run him in to the wall. Near moved out of the way and Mellow ran in to the wall instead.

"Sorry , Mellow ,'' Near said.

"GET BACK HERE ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

Next a little girl ran in to Mellow and laughed. Mellow glared at her. Then L ran in to Mellow's back and sent him crashing in to the wall on his left side.

"DAMN IT ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

L turned around and ran in to Light. Light moved back and Misa ran in to his back. Light turned around and then L ran in to his back.

"DAMN IT , RIUZAKI ! ,'' Light shouted.

"What ? ,'' L asked.

"Why are you and Misa ganging up on me ? ,'' he asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about ,'' L said.

Light growled.

"THAT'S IT ! ,'' Light shouted.

"Hmm ? ,'' L asked.

"IT'S GO TIME , RIUZAKI ! ,'' he shouted.

Next Light slammed on the gas pedal and sped towards L laughing manically. L moved out of the way and Light hit the wall and flew out of his bumper car.

Meanwhile Mellow was chasing after Near in his bumper car. Mellow laughed and Near looked back at him.

"Where are you going ? ,'' Mellow asked , "Too afraid to play with Uncle Mellow ?''

Near turned to his left. Mellow tried to chase after him but the little girl from before ran in to him.

"HEY ! ,'' he shouted.

The little girl drove away. Mellow growled and Near ran in to his back.

"DAMN IT , NEAR ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "YOU ARE DEAD !''

Meanwhile L was checking on Light.

"Are you alright ? ,'' L asked leaning over Light.

Next Light kicked him in the stomach sending the detective on to his back. Light got to his feet and brushed himself off.

"Light ? ,'' L asked.

"What ? ,'' he asked.

"Why did you do that ? ,'' L asked.

"Because ,'' Light stated , "You almost killed me.''

"I did no such thing ,'' he said , "You are the one that caused yourself to go crashing in to the wall and flying out of your car. I merely moved out of the way so I would not be hit by you. Always blaming others for your own faults.''

"I DO NOT BLAME OTHERS FOR MY OWN FAULTS ! ,'' Light shouted.

"You just blamed me for something that was all your fault ,'' L replied.

"SHUT UP ! ,'' he shouted.

Next Light walked up to the detective and glared at him. L did the same thing and then a man in a penguin outfit walked up between them.

"Okay , what's the problem ? ,'' the man asked.

"My friend blamed me for something that was all his fault ,'' L said.

"Is that true ? ,'' he asked.

"It was all his fault ,'' Light stated , "He moved out of the way when I tried to hit him with my bumper car.''

"Why do you always have to throw a tantrum when things don't go your way , Light ? ,'' L asked.

"I'M NOT THROWING A TANTRUM ! ,'' he shouted.

"Oh , really ? ,'' L asked , "It sure looks like it to me.''

"SHUT YOUR BIG SMART MOUTH ! ,'' Light shouted.

"Alright , guys ,'' the man in the penguin outfit said , "I think I know what's going on here ?''

"What ? ,'' he asked staring at the man.

"You're both in denial ,'' the man said.

"In denial of what ? ,'' L asked.

"Your feelings for one another ,'' he replied.

"WHOA ! ,'' Light shouted , "Hold up. What makes you think we're gay ?''

"I can tell by the way you act around each other ,'' the man said.

"How do we "act'' around each other ? ,'' L asked.

"Let me guess ,'' he stated , "You guys fight a lot , right ?''

They nodded.

"I have three gay friends myself and they fight all the time ,'' the man said , "But the good thing is they always work it out. So what do you say guys ? Can you work this problem out and get on with your relationship ?''

L and Light looked at each other. Next they both punched the man in the face. The man in the penguin outfit fell on to his back. L smiled and then picked up two bats and handed one to Light. Light smiled as he took the bat. Next they started to beat the man in the penguin outfit up with the bats.

Meanwhile Near was being chased by Mellow who was laughing maniacally. Near moved out of the way.

"NEAR , WHAT THE - ,'' Mellow started.

Next he crashed in to the wall. Near unbuckled his seatbelt , got out of the bumper car and walked out of the rink. He walked up to L and Light beating up a man with bats.

"Umm . . . .what are you guys doing ? ,'' Near asked.

"We're beating up this man ,'' L said.

"Oh , okay ,'' he replied , "Um . . . . .why are you beating him up ?''

"Because he called us gay ,'' Light said.

"Okay then ,'' Near stated , "Well I think it's time we got on the road.''

L and Light stopped beating the man up and dropped their bats. Next they fallowed Near , Misa and Mellow back to the van. They all got in and Near started the engine. Next he continued driving down the road. A few minuets later Near stopped the van and poked his head out the window to see a whole bunch of cars sitting on the highway right in front of them.

"DAMN IT ALL ! ,'' Near shouted.

"What is it ? ,'' Misa asked.

"It's a traffic jam ,'' he stated.

END OF CHAPTER : 8.


	9. Traffic Jam Part : 1

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 9 :

"Traffic Jam''

Near poked his head out the window and spotted a police officer walking by.

"Excuse me , officer ,'' Near called , "What's the hold up ?''

"There's a mix up with the traffic lights nine miles up the road ,'' the officer said , "You'll have to wait here awhile.''

The officer blinked.

"Hey , wait a minuet ,'' he stated , "You look familiar. Didn't I pull you over for speeding yesterday ?''

"Ummm . . . .No ,'' Near said.

"Huh ,'' the officer stated , "You're probably right. You folks have a nice day now.''

"Thank you , officer ,'' he replied.

The officer walked off.

"Isn't that the cop who - ,'' Mellow started.

"SHUT UP , MELLOW ! ,'' Near shouted.

Mellow shut up. L sighed and opened a bag of gummy worms. Light looked at him.

"Where did you get those , Riuzaki ? ,'' he asked.

"From that store that Mellow held up ,'' L said.

"YOU STOLE THOSE ?! ,'' Light shouted.

"I'm borrowing them ,'' he stated.

"Borrowing them ? ,'' Light asked , "You are unbelievable.''

"Unbelievably intelligent ,'' Near stated.

L and Near slapped each other a high five.

"Whatever ,'' Light said.

Mellow sighed and looked out the window. His eyes bugged out of his head when he saw a monkey running up to the van. The monkey jumped up on the roof , ran down to the back door , opened the back door , ran in to the back of the van , grabbed Mellow's chocolate bar , licked Near on the cheek causing Near to blush and then ran out of the van and down the highway.

". . . .the hell ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Well that was quite unusual ,'' L stated.

Mellow pulled out his gun.

"THAT MONKEY IS DEAD ! ,'' he shouted.

Mellow climbed out of the back of the van and fired four shots at the monkey. The bullets missed and the monkey kept running.

"GIVE ME BACK MY CHOCOLATE YOU FURRY LITTLE FREAK ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

He ran after the monkey shouting profanities at it. Five seconds after that Near started laughing his ass off.

"I wonder where that monkey came from ? ,'' L asked.

"Who knows ,'' Near said in between fits of laughter , "But it sure pissed Mellow off.''

"Hmm ,'' he replied , "Light , can you hand me the map , please ?''

"Here you go ,'' Light said handing him the map.

"Thank you ,'' L said.

L opened the map and started to look at it.

"Ah , ha ,'' he stated , "We're not that far from the Hyena Caves.''

"Hyena Caves ? ,'' Light asked.

"Yes ,'' L said , "Hyena Caves are fun to explore.''

"I like to explore ,'' Near said.

"You want to go exploring in a Hyena Cave ? ,'' Light asked.

"Yes ,'' he replied.

"Okay ,'' Light said.

Meanwhile Mellow was still running down the highway after the monkey. He threw a stick at it. The stick missed the monkey , bounced off a rock , came back and hit Mellow in the eye.

"OOOOWWWWWW ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "DAMN IT ! MY EYE ! STUPID MONKEY ! GET BACK HERE WITH MY CHOCOLATE !''

The monkey stopped and turned around to stare at him. Mellow watched the monkey as it took a few steps towards him and then held out it's hand. Mellow stared down at the monkey's hand and smiled.

"Aww , that's cute ,'' Mellow said , "You're a cute little monkey. Here. Shake.''

Mellow put his right hand in the monkey's left and they shook. Two seconds after that the monkey bit his hand. Mellow screamed and pulled back his hand.

"OOOOWWWWWW ! ,'' he screamed , "MY HAND !''

The monkey ran off.

"YOU LITTLE FURRY SON OF A BITCH ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU , YOU ARE DEAD ! YOU HEAR ME !?''

Mellow continued to chase the monkey.

"Excuse me , miss ? ,'' a boy asked.

Mellow stopped running and looked up at the boy.

"What did you just call me ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Miss ? ,'' he asked , "You are a girl , aren't you ?''

"Heck no ,'' Mellow said , "I'm a boy. Male. B-O-Y. Boy.''

The boy gave him a confused look.

"Are you sure ? ,'' the boy asked , "Because you look an awful lot like a girl.''

"Dude , how much weed have you been smoking ? ,'' he asked , "I can assure you I'm a boy. I have a penis.''

"You're kind of a weird person , aren't you ? ,'' the boy asked.

"No weirder than yourself , pal ,'' Mellow replied.

"I'm weird ,'' he stated , "But at least I don't look like a girl.''

Mellow slapped his hand over his eyes and fell to the ground.

"Whatever ,'' Mellow said , "Forget it. I've got a monkey to kill.''

"You're going to kill a monkey ? ,'' the boy asked.

"Yes ,'' he replied.

"Why ? ,'' the boy asked.

"Because it took my chocolate ,'' Mellow explained , "And anything that takes my precious chocolate deserves to die.''

"Oh , okay then ,'' he said , "Do you have a permit for that gun ?''

"Fuck no ,'' Mellow stated , "I stole this baby.''

"Cool ,'' the boy replied , "My name's Mike.''

"Nice to meet you , Mike ,'' he said , "Now if you'll excuse me I've got a monkey to kill.''

"Awesome ,'' Mike stated , "By the way I like your hair.''

"Well thank - ,'' Mellow started , "Wait. YOU LIKE MY WHAT ?!''

"Your hair ,'' he said , "Here's my number. Call me anytime you want.''

Mike handed Mellow his phone number.

"Uhhhhhh , thanks I think ,'' Mellow said taking the number.

"No problem , dude ,'' Mike stated.

Mellow smiled and then continued chasing the monkey. He stopped and looked around the highway.

"Now where did that furry son of a bitch get off to ? ,'' Mellow asked.

Mellow looked up and saw the monkey standing on top of a bridge.

"THERE YOU ARE ! ,'' he shouted.

Next a car ran in to Mellow. Mellow flew up in to the air and then landed on the ground.

"Hey , are you okay ? ,'' the girl driving the car asked.

"Daaaamn ,'' Mellow stated in pain.

END OF CHAPTER : 9.


	10. Traffic Jam Part : 2

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 10 :

"Traffic Jam'' Part : 2

Near looked in the rear view mirror and then looked over at Misa. Misa yawned and looked at him.

"Misa , do you want to play Truth Or Dare ? ,'' Near asked.

"Sure ,'' Misa said.

"Alright ,'' he stated , "Pick.''

"Um. . . . . .Dare ,'' Misa replied.

"I dare you to kiss L ,'' Near said.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Misa and L shouted.

"I dare you to kiss L ,'' he repeated.

L and Misa looked at each other while Near smiled.

"Fine ,'' Misa stated closing her eyes and shrugging.

Next Misa put her hands on L's shoulders and got her face real close to his. L stared at her as Misa planted a soft kiss on his lips. L blushed and she broke the kiss.

"Hm , Interesting ,'' L said.

"Near , Truth Or Dare ? ,'' Misa asked.

"Truth ,'' Near replied.

"Are you and Mellow a couple ? ,'' she asked.

"WHAT THE FUCK ?! ,'' Mellow shouted , "EWWWWW !''

"No ,'' Near said , "Mellow , Truth Or Dare.''

"Pff , Truth ,'' he replied.

"Do you have a sexual craving for chocolate ? ,'' Near asked.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Mellow shouted , "FUCK NO ! WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY ?! Light , Truth Or Dare.''

"Dare ,'' Light said.

Mellow smirked.

"I dare you to strip naked , put on Misa's bra and underwear and then go outside and run around the van singing ,'' Mellow said.

Light gaped at him in shock and then striped naked.

"Misa , underwear please ? ,'' Light asked.

Misa handed Light her underwear and he put it on.

"Go ,'' Mellow said.

Light opened the side door and then got out of the van. Next he started to run around the van in circles singing.

"_LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA !_ ,'' Light sang as he ran , "_I'm running around this van in Misa's underwear and singing this stupid song. When I get done I'm going to kick Mellow's ass. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA !_''

Mellow fell to the floor of the van laughing his ass off. Near was video taping Light on his camera. L and Misa were staring at him with bemused expressions on their faces. After a few minuets Light stopped singing and got back in the van.

"That was - ,'' Mellow started.

Light growled and punched Mellow in the face. Mellow fell back and then kicked Light in the stomach. Light groaned in pain , wrapped his arms around Mellow's ankle , pulled off Mellow's shoe and sock and then bit his big toe.

"OOOOOWWWWWW ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

Next he kicked Light in the face with his other foot and then punched him in the mouth.

"SON OF A BITCH ! ,'' Light shouted.

Next Light started to get up and Mellow wrapped his arms around his neck. Light struggled to break free.

"LET GO OF ME ! ,'' Light shouted.

"NO ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

"Alright , guys ,'' L said , "That's enough.''

Mellow and Light stopped fighting and glared at each other.

"What the fuck ? ,'' Near asked , "Hey , I was video taping that for my web page. L , why did you make them stop ? That video would have been ratings gold.''

"I'm sorry , Near ,'' L stated , "Light and Mellow if you two don't want to start walking behind the van for the duration of this road trip I expect you to behave better and get along.''

"What ? ,'' Light asked , "There is no way in heck that I am going to get along with this piece of shit.''

"Yeah ,'' Mellow said.

"Very well ,'' L stated , "Then you may both walk for the rest of the road trip.''

Light and Mellow looked at each other.

"Fine ,'' Light said.

"Fine ,'' Mellow stated.

They shook hands and smiled.

"Good ,'' L stated , "Now back to the game. Near , Truth Or Dare ?''

"Truth ,'' Near replied.

"Do you have a craving for sugar ? ,'' he asked.

"No ,'' Near said , "Mellow , Truth Or Dare ?''

"Dare ,'' Mellow answered.

"I dare you to hold this spider in your hand ,'' he stated.

Near held up a spider in his hand.

"Fine ,'' Mellow said , "I'm not afraid of spiders.''

Mellow held out his hand and Near placed the spider in it. Mellow stared at the spider as it started to crawl towards his arm. Then it started to crawl up his arm. Then it crawled on to his shoulder and then in to his hair.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "IT'S IN MY HAIR ! GET IT OFF ! GET IT OFF ! GET IT OFF ! GET IT OFF ! GET IT OFF !''

Mellow screamed and opened up the side door of the van. Next he ran out of the van , got on the ground and started to roll around.

"IT'S IN MY HAIR ! ,'' Mellow shouted again.

"Mellow calm down ,'' L said getting out of the van.

Next he got down on his knees , picked the spider up by it's abdomen and then threw it in to the street.

"Alright ,'' L stated.

"Hey ,'' Near exclaimed , "It looks like the traffic jam is ending. Let's get a move on.''

Everyone got in the van and Near started the engine. Next they continued down the road. L picked up the map and looked through it.

"Ah ha ,'' L said.

"Ah ha what ? ,'' Light asked.

"I found out what we can do next ,'' he said.

"What ? ,'' Near asked.

"Visit the Hyena Caves ,'' L said.

Light groaned.

END OF CHAPTER : 10.


	11. The Hyena Caves Part : 1

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 11 :

"The Hyena Caves'' Part : 1.

Near looked out the window as he pulled up to the caves. He stopped the van and opened his door. They all got out of the van and L looked at Light.

"So this is the Hyena Caves ,'' L stated , "Interesting.''

"Hyena Caves ? ,'' Mellow said , "I wonder if Hyena's like chocolate ?''

"You're a moron ,'' Near replied.

"What did you call me ? ,'' he asked.

"Okay , that's enough ,'' Misa said , "You two need to stop fighting and start getting along.''

"Pff ,'' Mellow replied , "Like that's ever going to happen.''

"Whatever ,'' Near stated , "Let's just go.''

"Fine ,'' L said.

They all walked up to the cave entrance and walked inside. Misa took out her camera and started to take pictures.

"Misa , I don't think you should do that ,'' L stated.

"Why not , Riuzaki ? ,'' she asked.

"Because you might agitate the Hyenas ,'' L responded , "And because the sign outside said not to.''

"Oh , what would you know ,'' Misa said.

She took another picture.

"Ha ,'' Misa stated , "I just took another one. What do you think about that ?''

"Misa , please stop that ,'' L said calmly.

"Or else what ? ,'' she said.

Misa took another picture.

"Misa , you're acting like a child ,'' L stated.

Misa took another picture.

"Misa , stop it ,'' L said.

Misa took another picture.

"DAMN IT , MISA ! ,'' L shouted , "KNOCK IT OFF !''

Misa stopped. Then they heard growling.

"What was that ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Um . . . . .Light's stomach ? ,'' Misa asked.

The growling got louder. Near pulled out a flashlight and turned it on. He shined it in front of them and saw five growling slobbering Hyenas.

"COOL ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "HYENAS ! I wanna pet one.''

"Mellow - ,'' Near started.

"Shut up ,'' he said.

Mellow walked up to the Hyena and Near slapped his hand over his eyes. Mellow bent down in front of the Hyena and started to scratch it's chin.

"Ohhhh , good boy ,'' Mellow said , "See guys you just got to know how to handle them.''

He looked behind the Hyena and saw seven more growling at him.

"Ummmm ,'' Mellow stated , "RUN !''

Near , Mellow , Light , Misa and L all turned around and started running.

"I'M GONNA DIE ! ,'' Misa shouted , "I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE !''

"MISA , SHUT UP AND RUN ! ,'' Light shouted.

They all ran in to the darkness of the cave and hid behind some rocks. Near and Mellow poked their heads up and looked around.

"I don't see them ,'' Near said.

"Thank God ,'' Mellow stated , "I thought we we're dead for sure.''

"You would think that , wouldn't you ? ,'' Near asked.

"SHUT UP , NEAR ! ,'' he shouted.

"Shhhh ,'' Light said , "Keep your voice down , Mellow.''

"Hey , Mellow ,'' Near said.

"Yes ? ,'' he asked.

"Maybe you should go out there and see if the Hyenas are still there ,'' Near said.

"Okay ,'' Mellow said.

Mellow started to walk out from behind their hiding place and then stopped.

"HEY ! ,'' he shouted ducking back in to the hiding place , "That wasn't funny , Near.''

"I thought it was ,'' Near said.

"You would ,'' Mellow stated sticking his tongue at him.

"Light ,'' L said.

"Yes , Riuzaki ? ,'' he asked.

"Do you have a bag of Potato Chips ? ,'' L asked.

"Yeah ,'' Light replied , "Why ?''

"Can I have them , please ? ,'' he asked.

"Sure ,'' Light said.

Light handed the bag of chips to L.

"What are you going to do with a bag of chips ? ,'' Misa asked.

"Eat them ,'' L replied.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Light asked , "How can you even think about eating at a time like this ? Riuzaki , get serious. We're in serious trouble here.''

"I am being serious ,'' he stated , "I'm hungry so I'm going to eat these chips while I try to think of a way out of this mess.''

"You're unbelievable ,'' Light said.

"Hmm ,'' L said.

"Who wants to play go fish ? ,'' Misa asked pulling out a deck of cards and shuffling them.

"No one ,'' Mellow replied.

"I wouldn't mind ,'' L stated.

"Alright ,'' Misa stated.

Misa handed five cards to L and he took them.

"You have any fours ? ,'' she asked.

"Go fish ,'' L said.

Misa drew a card.

"Do you have any threes ? ,'' L asked.

"Go fish ,'' Misa said.

L drew a card.

"You two are crazy ,'' Light said.

"Wait ,'' Mellow stated , "Where's my gun ?''

"I haven't seen it ,'' Near replied.

"DAMN IT ! ,'' he shouted , "If I had my gun I could shoot the damn Hyenas and we wouldn't be trapped in here.''

"Touché ,'' Near said.

"What did you say ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Nothing ,'' he replied.

L looked at Mellow and then looked at the ground.

"What ? ,'' Misa asked.

"I have to pee ,'' L said.

END OF CHAPTER : 11.


	12. The Hyena Caves Part : 2

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 12 :

"The Hyena Caves'' Part : 2.

Near sighed and leaned his back against a rock. He couldn't believe they were stuck in a freaking hyena cave. He looked up at Mellow who was looking at a rock.

"Near ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Yes ? ,'' he asked.

"Where do rainbows come from ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"I still have to pee ,'' L stated.

"Well you're just going to have to hold it until we get out of here ,'' Misa said.

"I know that , Misa ,'' he replied , "But that still doesn't change the fact that I have to pee.''

"Well you know what , Riuzaki ? ,'' Misa asked , "Why don't you just walk out there so the Hyenas can eat you ?''

L stared at her.

"Now , Misa why would I do something like that , hmm ? ,'' he asked , "I'm crazy. Not stupid.''

"Pff ,'' she replied , "We can all see that. What do you think we're all blind or something ?''

"I know perfectly well that you can see , Misa ,'' L stated , "The thing that's always bothered me about you is your low intelligence level.''

Misa smiled.

"Thanks , Riuzaki ,'' she said.

Then she thought about what he just said. "HEY !"

"I'm bored ,'' Mellow said.

"Join the club ,'' Light stated.

"I wish I had a game or a puzzle I could solve right now ,'' he replied.

"I have one ,'' L said.

"Really ? ,'' Mellow asked , "Can I have it ?''

L smiled and tossed a Rubix Cube to the blonde haired boy. He caught it and then began to try to solve it.

"I wonder when those Hyenas are going to leave ? ,'' Near asked.

"I don't know ,'' Light said , "I just hope it's soon. I'm getting hungry.''

"Now that you mention it I'm feeling rather famished myself ,'' he said looking down at his growling stomach.

"L , do you have any food on you ? ,'' Light asked.

"Let's see ,'' L replied fishing around in his pocket , "Ah ha. You boys are in luck. I have ONE stick of beef jerky left from that store that Mellow held up. Do you want it ?''

"WELL FUCK YES ! ,'' he shouted.

"Alright ,'' L said.

The detective tore open the package and then broke the stick in half. Next he held them both up and then held them out. Near and Light snatched them faster than you could spit and then they examined them. Something was. . . .odd about them.

"WAIT A MINUET ! ,'' Light shouted , "How come Near got a longer piece than I did ?''

"I don't know what you're talking about ,'' the detective replied.

"BULLSHIT , RIUZAKI ! ,'' he shouted.

"It's because I'm smarter than you ,'' Near stated biting in to his stick.

"WHAT ?! ,'' Light shouted.

"Are you deaf , Yagami ? ,'' he asked , "I said it's because I'm smarter than you.''

"NO ONE CAN SURPASS MY INTELLECT ! ,'' Light shouted.

"No one except me and L ,'' Near pointed out.

"SHUT UP ! ,'' he shouted.

"Would you please keep it down , Light ? ,'' L asked , "I'm trying to think.''

"SHUT UP ! ,'' Light shouted.

Light threw a punch at the detective , who in turn ducked and then kicked him in the stomach. Light fell on top of Misa and they both fell to the ground.

"Now look what you did ,'' Mellow said.

Light punched Mellow. Mellow growled and then jumped on top of him. Next they started to wrestle on the ground. Misa watched them and laughed.

"GO , LIGHT ! ,'' she shouted , "KICK MELLOW'S ASS !''

Mellow rose his fist up and punched Light in the balls. Light's eyes watered up and then he farted. Mellow covered his nose.

"OH MY GOD ! ,'' he shouted.

"WOW ! ,'' L shouted covering his nose.

"HOLY CRAP ! ,'' Misa shouted covering her nose.

"I think the Hyenas are passing out from the stench ,'' Near said , "Good God , Light. What did you eat ?''

"I don't know ,'' Light said.

"Well whatever it was it probably didn't agree with your ass ,'' Mellow replied.

"Shut up , Mellow ,'' he snapped.

END OF CHAPTER : 12.


	13. The Hyena Caves Part : 3

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 13 :

"The Hyena Caves'' Part : 3.

Light looked over at Mellow and then looked over at L. Wait a minuet ? What was L doing ? Light leaned in closer and blinked. Was he. . . . .sleeping ? He was. L. The world's greatest detective was sleeping. Light nudged him. L's eyes snapped open and he bolted up in to a sitting position.

"IT WASN'T ME ! ,'' L shouted , "YOU HAVE NO PROOF !''

"Huh ? ,'' Light asked raising his eyebrow.

"What ? ,'' he asked , "How long was I asleep ?''

"Only a few minuets ,'' Light said.

"Why did you wake me up ? ,'' L asked.

Light shrugged.

"I was bored ,'' he said.

"Hmm , I still have to pee ,'' L stated.

"I can't help that ,'' Light said.

"I don't care ,'' he exclaimed , "I. . . .need. . . .to. . . . .pee.''

"Just pee on Mellow ,'' Light said.

Suddenly Mellow kicked him in the face. Light fell on to his back.

"SHUT UP YOU , SICKO ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

"Mellow , there was no need for that ,'' Near said.

"Is there anywhere I can pee ? ,'' L asked.

"Pee your pants , you sissy ,'' Mellow stated.

Light kicked Mellow in the face knocking him unconscious.

"Hmm ,'' Light said , "I don't know why I didn't think about that before.''

"I really have to pee ,'' L stated.

"Just hold on , Riuzaki ,'' he said , "We'll be out of here soon and then you can pee all you want.''

L hugged his knees and sighed. Misa sat down next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay , Riuzaki ,'' Misa said.

"Thank you , Misa ,'' L replied.

"Hey , I think the Hyenas are gone ,'' Near stated.

They all got up. Misa picked Mellow up and slung him over her shoulder to carry him. They stepped outside of the cave. Sure enough the Hyenas were gone. L smiled. Finally he could -

"HOLY SHIT ! ,'' Near shouted , "EVERYONE GET IN THE FUCKING VAN RIGHT FUCKING NOW !''

They all saw Near run by them and jump in to the driver's side of the van. He slammed the door shut and started the engine.

"I wonder what he's all - ,'' Light started.

"AHHHHHH ! ,'' Misa screamed , "HYENAS !''

Light turned around and sure enough the Hyenas were watching them. He smiled a nervous smile and started to back up slowly.

"Don't make any sudden movements ,'' L whispered.

Then he peed his pants. "Shit.'' The Hyenas started to run at them. They all screamed , turned around and started running towards the van. One of the Hyenas got behind Light and bit him on the butt. He screamed and kicked him off.

"Ow ,'' Light said , "Ow. Ow. Ow.''

They all reached the van and jumped inside.

"STEP ON IT ! ,'' Misa shouted.

Near stepped on the gas peddle and they sped down the road. L and Light sighed and looked at Misa and then at the unconscious Mellow. Then Misa started laughing her ass off. "Well was that fun or what , boys ? Huh ?'' She continued laughing.

"Yes ,'' Near muttered , "Real fun. I can barely contain my enthusiasm. Let's do this again next summer.''

"Do you really mean it , Near ? ,'' she asked.

Next she wrapped her arms around Near and pulled him in to a hug. He jumped up.

"WHOA ! ,'' Near shouted , "MISA , LET GO !''

Near turned the steering wheel to avoid a semi truck. Misa let him go and then looked back at Light.

"So where to next ? ,'' she asked.

"Actually I'm getting kind of hungry ,'' Light said , "Is there any fast food restaurants close by ?''

"I'll look ,'' L replied picking up a map and opening it up , "Ah ha. Found one.''

Near smiled. Finally. Some food.

END OF CHAPTER : 13.


	14. Chaos At A Drive Thru

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 14 :

"Chaos At A Drive Thru''

Near pulled up to an Arby's drive thru and stopped the van. Next he turned around and looked at everyone else.

"So what do you all want ? ,'' Near asked.

"I'll have a 5 ,'' Misa stated.

"I'll have a 6 ,'' L replied.

"I'll have a 10 ,'' Light replied.

Near looked at the unconscious Mellow and then kicked him in the face.

"NEAR ! ,'' Misa shouted.

Mellow opened his eyes and shook his head. He blinked and sat up.

"HYENAS ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

He passed out again.

"Is he okay ? ,'' Misa asked.

"He's fine ,'' Near said , "Light , could you please wake Mellow up ?''

"Sure ,'' he replied.

Light shook Mellow and he opened his eyes and sat up.

"What ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"What kind of sandwich do you want ? ,'' Light asked.

"A 5 ,'' he said.

Near nodded and poked his head out the window.

"Good afternoon , sir ,'' the voice said , "How are you today ?''

"Just fine ,'' Near stated , "Okay. I'll take a -

"HEY ! ,'' the voice shouted , "PUT THOSE FRENCH FRIES BACK IN THE OVEN RIGHT NOW ! WE HAVE CUSTOMERS !''

Near blinked.

"Is everything alright , sir ? ,'' he asked.

"Yes ,'' the voice stated , "Now what would you like ?''

"I'll take a - ,'' Near started.

"A number ? ,'' a female voice asked , "What number ? Number 90 ? 91 ? 21 ? 31 ? 700 ? 2000 ? What number ? OW ! DAMN IT , DAN !''

"Amy , get off the speaker ,'' Dan said.

"Why ? ,'' Amy asked.

"Because you're going to scare away our customers ,'' he replied.

"OH , SHUT UP ! ,'' Amy shouted , "I'm doing a terrific job and you know it.''

"Amy ,'' Dan said.

"But I can do this job ,'' she replied , "It's easy. What would you like , sir ? OW ! DAMN'T , DAN ! LET GO OF MY ARM !''

"Amy , step away from the speaker ,'' Dan said , "OW !''

"Ha ha ,'' Amy laughed , "Serves you right. Now what would you li-OOOOOOOOWWWWW ! LET GO OF MY HAIR , DAN ! NO FAIR !''

"Now just - OW ! ,'' he replied , "DAMN IT , AMY !''

"What's wrong ? ,'' Amy asked , "Don't liked to be kicked there ?''

"STOP FOOLING AROUND ! ,'' Dan shouted.

"HA ! YOU GONNA MAKE ME ? ,'' she asked.

"I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SHUT UP IN A MINUET ! ,'' Dan shouted back.

"OH , I'M REAL SCARED ! ,'' Amy shouted.

"DAMN IT ! DON'T SHOVE ME ! ,'' he shouted.

"DO YOU WANT SOME KETCHUP WITH YOUR WHINE ? ,'' Amy shouted.

"DON'T - AHHHHH ! ,'' Dan shouted.

"HA HA HA ! ,'' she yelled.

"I HATE WORKING WITH YOU ! ,'' Dan growled.

"RIGHT BACK AT YA , SHIT FOR BRAINS ! ,'' Amy shouted.

"SHIT FOR BRAINS ? ,'' he shouted back , "SHIT FOR BRAINS ? LOOK WHO'S TALKING ! YOU CAN'T EVEN MUTIPLY BY A HUNDRED !''

"I CAN MUTIPLY BY ANY NUMBER ! ,'' Amy shouted , "IT'S YOUR MULTIPLICATION I'D BE WORRIED ABOUT !''

"Excuse me ? ,'' Near asked.

"SHUT UP ! ,'' they both shouted.

Near opened his eyes wide.

"MY MULTIPLICATION ? ,'' Dan yelled , "PLEASE ? YOU CAN'T EVEN SUBTRACT , ADD OR DIVIDE !''

"THEN HOW DID I GET THIS JOB , HMMMM ? ,'' Amy shouted , "THAT'S RIGHT ! YOU GAVE IT TO ME , MR. STICK UP THE ASS !''

"DON'T CALL ME THAT ! ,'' he yelled.

"STICK UP THE ASS ! ,'' Amy repeated , "STICK UP THE ASS ! STICK UP THE ASS ! STICK UP THE ASS !''

"PARROT HEAD ! ,'' Dan shouted.

"ASSHOLE ! ,'' she yelled.

"BITCH ! ,'' Dan yelled.

"FINGER FUCKER ! ,'' Amy yelled.

"I'm leaving now ,'' Near said.

He drove away from the Arby's.

"WELL YOU CAN KISS MY -

END OF CHAPTER : 14.


	15. Chaos At Yurikami Waterfall

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 15 :

"Chaos At Yurikami Water Fall''

Near drove down the highway and sighed. Misa looked through the map and blinked. She smiled and tapped Near on the shoulder. The albino glanced back at her in the rear view mirror.

"Yes , Misa ? ,'' Near asked.

"Can we stop and look at Yurikami Falls ? ,'' she asked.

Near rose his eyebrow.

"I guess so ,'' he replied.

"Thanks ,'' Misa said.

"I don't want to go to Yuri. . . .Yuri-katu-shit waterfall ,'' Mellow complained , "Waterfalls are boring.''

"Tough shit ,'' Near stated , "We're going and it's pronounced Yurikami , you dip shit.''

"Whatever ,'' he said.

"I like waterfalls ,'' L stated.

"I do too ,'' Light said.

Everyone looked at him. "What ?''

"Nothing ,'' Misa replied.

"Alright then ,'' L said , "Onward to the waterfall.''

Five minuets later they stopped at the waterfall and all got out of the van. Mellow ran to the waterfall and stared at it. Misa walked over to the edge with Near , L and Light. She stared at the waterfall.

"Wow ,'' Misa said , "The waterfall's huge.''

"AAAHHHHHHHHH ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

Near , Misa , Light and L looked up to see Mellow running around with a snake wrapped around his head. "HELP ME ! GET IT OFF ! GET IT OFF ! GET IT OFF !''

"Stop moving and hold still , you idiot ,'' Near said.

Mellow froze and waited. Near pulled out a camera and snapped a picture. Then he put the camera away and stared at the snake. "Hmmm.''

"Hmmm , what ? ,'' he asked , "Near , if you don't get this snake off of me I'm going to kick you in the balls.''

Next Near pulled out a sucker and then licked it. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ? STOP LICKING THAT DAMN SUCKER AND GET THIS FUCKING SNAKE OFF MY HEAD BEFORE I KILL YOU !''

"You kill me ? ,'' Near said , "That's not very likely to happen since I'm superior to you in every way.''

"NEAR ! ,'' Mellow shouted , "YOU LISTEN TO ME ! GET THIS SNAKE OFF OF ME OR I'LL -

The snake bit him on the nose. Mellow screamed and then started to run around in circles. A few seconds after that he passed out. Misa stared at him.

"Is he dead ? ,'' she asked.

"No , Misa ,'' Near said , "Mellow is just being a dumb ass like he always is.''

Near walked over to Mellow and kicked him in the head. Mellow screamed and jumped up in to Near's arms. Next he looked in to Near's eyes and squinted.

"Are you a beaver ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"No ,'' he replied.

"Are you a giraffe ? ,'' Mellow asked.

Near groaned and threw Mellow on to the ground. L looked over at Light and sighed. Mellow pinched himself. "Wait a minuet. Why am I still alive ?''

"That snake wasn't poisonous , you ding dong ,'' Near replied.

"Ohhhhhh ,'' Mellow said.

Near slapped his hand over his eyes.

END OF CHAPTER : 15.


	16. Chaos At Yurikami Waterfall Part 2

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 16 :

"Chaos At Yurikami Water Fall'' Part : 2.

Near stared at the sky and sighed. If they were here for much longer he was going to lose it. He looked up and saw Mellow , Light , L. . . .Misa ? Wait a second ? Where was Misa ? Near looked over at the water fall and saw Misa wearing her swimsuit and standing on a rock about to jump in to the water. He blinked.

"MISA , WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING ? ,'' Near shouted , "DON'T JUMP IN THE RIVER ! WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY ?''

Misa turned and saw Near waving his arms in the air and shouting something to her. She smiled and waved back. Next she blew him a kiss and winked. "Oh , shit.'' Misa turned back around and jumped in to the river. "SHIT , MISA !'' Near ran to the rocks and looked up to see Misa floating down the river and screaming. "DAMN IT ALL !'' The albino ran back to the van and stripped his clothes off. Next he pulled on his swim trunks and then ran back to the rock. Near sighed and dove in to the water.

Meanwhile about thirty feet ahead of him Misa was screaming.

"SOMEONE HELP ME ! ,'' she screamed.

She looked ahead of her and saw the waterfall. She started to swim away but the current had her and wasn't letting go. Misa screamed. Suddenly Near's arm reached out and grabbed her. Near swam back to the rocks and then climbed out of the water. He sat up and sighed.

"Are you okay , Mi - ,'' Near started.

"YAY ! ,'' Misa shouted hugging him , "YOU SAVED ME , LIGHT !''

"I'm Near ,'' the Albino replied.

"Oh ,'' Misa said , "Well fuck you then.''

Misa pushed Near back in to the water.

"Are you alright , Misa ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"LIGHT ! ,'' she shouted hugging Mellow.

"I'm Mellow ,'' Mellow replied.

Misa growled and kicked Mellow in the balls. He grabbed his balls and passed out.

"LIGHT ! ,'' Misa shouted hugging a bear.

Misa rubbed her face in to the bear's chest. "Oh , Light. I love you.'' The bear growled. Misa opened her eyes and looked up at the bear. Then she looked over to her left to see Light shaking in fear. Misa looked back at the bear. Then she screamed. Next they all ran back to the van and got in. Near started to look around for the keys. He smiled when he found them and put them in the ignition. Suddenly the bear jumped up on to the front of the van and growled. Near screamed and started the engine. Next he put his foot down on the gas and drove away.

"Wow , that was close ,'' Light said.

"Yep ,'' Near said.

"OH , THANK YOU , NEAR ! ,'' Misa shouted hugging the albino , "You saved our lives.''

They all smiled. Then the right front tire popped. Near slammed on the breaks and got out. He looked at the tire and kicked it.

"DAMN IT ALL ! ,'' Near shouted.

END OF CHAPTER : 16.


	17. Marshmallow War

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 17 :

"Marshmallow War''

Near , Misa , Mellow , Light and L all walked through the woods until they came to a clearing. L looked around and sighed.

"This place is fine ,'' L said sitting down on a rock.

"Why can't we just sleep in the van ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Because L wanted to sleep out here ,'' Near replied.

"Whatever ,'' he said.

"I'll go gather some wood to make a fire ,'' L said getting up.

"You go do that , Riuzaki ,'' Light said.

"Light , get up ,'' he said.

"What for ? ,'' Light asked.

"I would like you to come along ,'' L said.

"Why ? ,'' he asked.

"So I can I have some company ,'' L stated.

"Go fuck yourself ,'' Light replied.

"Light ,'' he said.

"Piss off ,'' Light replied.

"Light ,'' L stated.

Light closed his eyes and started to fall asleep. L sighed and walked off. A few seconds later something started to tickle Light's feet. Light laughed and rolled over on to his belly. The tickling continued. Light continued laughing and then opened his eyes to see a deer licking his feet. The deer looked up at him. Light screamed and the deer ran away. L and the others ran up to him.

"Light , what is it ? ,'' Misa asked.

"A deer. . . . . ,'' Light said.

"Yes ? ,'' L asked.

"A deer. . . . . ,'' he repeated.

"We've already established that ,'' L said.

"A deer licked my foot ,'' Light said.

"Oh ,'' he stated.

Next L pulled out a bottle of spray and sprayed Light all over. Light coughed.

"What the fuck was that stuff ? ,'' Light asked.

"It's the scent of a male deer ,'' L said.

"Why the fuck did you spray me with that ? ,'' he asked.

"Well because the female deer are all in heat because it's mating season ,'' L said.

"Oh ,'' Light replied.

Then it dawned on him. "Oh , shit.'' Light looked up at a female deer as it started sniffing the air. Then it locked on to his scent. "FUCK !'' The deer started to run at him. Light ran off in to the woods screaming. They all laughed. A few seconds later Light walked back to them very slowly. He walked over to L.

"Hello , Light ,'' L said , "So how was your time with the deer ?''

Light held up his finger to say something and then passed out. They all laughed again. Silence. Then a Marshmallow hit L in the side of the head. "Who did that ?''

"It was Mellow ,'' Near said.

"IT WAS NOT ! ,'' Mellow shouted.

"Mellow , don't shout ,'' L said , "Why did you do that ?''

"I didn't ,'' he stated.

Silence. Then another Marshmallow went through the air and hit Mellow in the head. "What the fuck ? Who threw that ?'' Another one hit Near and another hit Light as well. They all looked up to see Misa laughing and holding a bag of Marshmallows.

"Gotcha ,'' Misa said.

"GET HER ! ,'' Near shouted.

Misa looked up and the boys all tackled her to the ground. Next they each grabbed a Marshmallow and shoved it in to Misa's mouth. Then they let her go. Misa spit the Marshmallows out and sighed.

"You boys are no fun ,'' she said , "I'm going to set up my tent.''

"We only have one tent ,'' Near replied , "We all have to share.''

Misa groaned.

END OF CHAPTER : 17.


	18. Pillow Fight

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 18 :

"Pillow Fight''

L finished setting up the tent and then they all got inside and started to get in to their sleeping bags. Light looked up and noticed that there were only three sleeping bags. He looked at the sleeping bags and then mentally counted the people in his head.

"Um. . . . .why are there only three sleeping bags ? ,'' Light asked.

"I brought three so we could keep warmer in the cold ,'' Near said , "So who's sleeping with who ?''

"I choose Light ,'' Misa said.

She wrapped her arm around Light's waist.

"I want to sleep with L ,'' Mellow stated.

"You would ,'' Near said under his breath.

Mellow punched Near in the arm. Five seconds after that Near kicked Mellow in the head.

"Why don't we just draw straws to see who gets to sleep with who ? ,'' Misa suggested.

"Sounds fair ,'' L said , "I'll get some straws.''

The detective pulled out five straws and cut them each to a certain length. Next he turned around and held them out. They each drew one and measured them.

"Hmmm ,'' Near said , "It looks like I'm sleeping with. . . .Misa.''

"WHAT ? ,'' Misa shouted , "Pff , as if.''

"I'm sleeping with. . . . .MELLOW ! ,'' Light shouted.

"And it looks like I'm sleeping alone ,'' L said.

Mellow glared at Light.

"There's no way I'm sleeping with you ,'' he said.

"Likewise , fuck face ,'' Light stated.

"Well I'm glad that's settled ,'' Near replied turning to his sleeping buddy , "Ready to turn in , Amane ?''

"Pf , In your dreams , you little pervert ,'' Misa said.

"Pervert ? ,'' Near asked , "Misa , I can assure you that I am no such thing.''

"Yeah right ,'' she said.

"Misa , quit being a whiner and get in the damn sleeping bag ,'' Near said.

"Oh , alright ,'' Misa stated.

Misa got in to the sleeping bag with Near and they went to sleep. Light looked at the sleeping bag and then at Mellow.

"Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets the sleeping bag and who gets to sleep outside ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"Nope ,'' Light said , "It's already been decided. I'm taking the sleeping bag and you're sleeping outside.''

"LIKE HECK I AM ! ,'' he shouted.

Mellow kicked Light in the face and Light fell backwards.

"Loser ,'' Mellow said.

He started to get in to the sleeping bag when Light punched him in the balls. Mellow screamed like a girl and then tackled Light to the ground. Light head butted him and Mellow fell on to his back.

"The sleeping bag is mine and that's final ,'' Light said.

Light got in to the sleeping bag and Mellow pulled out a lighter. Next he lit the flame up and put it next to the bottom of Light's sleeping bag. Light sniffed the air and opened his eyes. He looked down at the bottom of his sleeping bag and gasped. "FIRE ! FIRE !'' L , Misa and Near all woke up and sat up in their sleeping bags to look at Light and Mellow.

"What on earth ? ,'' Near asked.

Light jumped up and ran out of the tent screaming his ass off. Near looked at Mellow with a confused expression on his face.

"What ? ,'' Mellow asked.

Light ran through the woods screaming. He ran until he found the lake and dove in it successfully putting the fire out. Light got out of the sleeping bag and walked out of the lake. Next he walked back to the tent and sat back down next to Mellow. Mellow slapped him on the back and laughed. "THAT WAS AWESOME , DUDE !'' Light growled and then wrapped his hands around Mellow's throat.

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU ! ,'' Light shouted.

"KNOCK IT OFF ! ,'' Misa screamed.

Light let him go and looked at Misa. "Can't you guys all just get along for one minuet ?''

Light thought about this.

"Nope ,'' he said.

Suddenly a pillow hit him in the face. "What the fuck ?'' Light pulled the pillow off of his face and looked around. "Who threw this pillow at me ?'' He looked at L and pointed at him while glaring. "It was you wasn't it , Riuzaki ?''

"Me ? ,'' L asked , "Why do you suddenly assume that it was me ?''

"Because I know you ,'' Light replied.

"Really ? ,'' the detective asked.

"Yes ,'' Light replied.

"Prove it was me ,'' L replied.

"What ? ,'' he asked.

"Prove that I was the one that threw the pillow at you ,'' L challenged.

Light looked at him. L and everyone else looked back at Light. He looked down at the ground.

"I can't ,'' he said.

"Ha ,'' L replied , "There you have it.''

Next Light smashed a pillow in the detective's face causing the detective to fall on to his back.

"EAT THAT , BITCH ! ,'' Light shouted.

L got to his feet and then smacked Light across the face with his pillow.

"PILLOW FIGHT ! ,'' Misa shouted.

Next she took her pillow and hit Near in the face with it causing him to fall on to his back. L smiled and threw his pillow at Misa which knocked her on to her back. He smiled and then Light hit him with his pillow.

"DAMN IT , LIGHT ! ,'' L shouted.

L grabbed a pillow and smashed it in to Light's face and then he kicked Light in the stomach. Light grunted and fell on to his back. Mellow grabbed a pillow and Near kicked him in the head and knocked him unconscious.

"No one is hitting me with a pil - ,'' Near started.

Suddenly Misa smashed a pillow in to Near's face and knocked him on to his back. "THAT'S IT !'' Next Near pulled out his lighter , grabbed a piece of Misa's hair and lit the flame on the lighter. Misa screamed and knocked the lighter out of his hand. The lighter flew up in to the air and landed on the floor of the tent. Near and Misa looked down at the lighter and the tent caught fire.

"WHOA ! ,'' Misa shouted.

"SHIT ! ,'' Near shouted , "FIRE ! EVERYONE OUT !''

They all scrambled out of the tent. L looked at the tent and sighed.

"I hate my life ,'' he said.

END OF CHAPTER : 18.


	19. Never Let Misa Drive

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 19 :

"Never Let Misa Drive''

Near sighed and then clapped his hands together.

"Well , that's that ,'' Near stated , "Let's get back on the road.''

Near got back in the van and started the engine. Next he put his foot on the gas peddle and started driving. Near sighed and Misa grabbed his arm. He looked at her.

"Can I drive for awhile ? ,'' she asked.

Near slammed on the brakes and Misa hit her head on the dashboard. "OW !''

"What ? ,'' he asked.

"I asked if I could drive for awhile ? ,'' Misa asked.

"Fuck no ,'' Near said , "I want to live.''

"Aw come on , Near ,'' she said cuddling up next to him , "Pretty please ?''

"GET OFF ME ! ,'' Near shouted.

Misa let go of him.

"Why can't I drive ? ,'' she asked.

"No offense , Misa ,'' Near said , "But if I let you have the wheel you would probably kill about twenty people.''

Misa gasped.

"I would not ,'' Misa replied , "I'm a safe driver.''

"Define safe ,'' he said.

"Let me drive ,'' Misa said.

"No ,'' Near said.

"If you don't let me drive I'll post this video on the internet of us making out in bed a month ago when we were drunk at that party ,'' she threatened.

"Take the wheel ,'' Near stated unbuckling his seatbelt.

They traded places and Misa squealed with excitement. She looked down at the steering wheel.

"Okay what do I do first ? ,'' Misa asked.

Near looked at her with a shocked expression on his face.

"First you turn the keys in the ignition ,'' he said.

Misa turned the keys and the van sprang to life. She giggled.

"Okay , let's go ,'' Misa said.

"WAIT ! ,'' Near shouted.

Misa ignored him and put her foot on the gas. The van took off down the street.

"Let's see how fast this baby can go ,'' she said.

Next she stepped harder on the gas.

"MISA , NO ! ,'' Near shouted.

The van shot off down the road at top speed. Misa squealed with delight. "WATCH OUT FOR THE PEOPLE !''

"What people ? ,'' Misa asked.

Next she hit an elderly man crossing the street and broke his hip. Misa poked her head out the window and looked back at him. "SORRY !''

"MISA , KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD ! ,'' Near shouted.

"Why ? ,'' she asked.

"WATCH OUT ! ,'' Near shouted.

Misa ran over a cop.

"SORRY ! ,'' she shouted.

"Is the cop still alive ? ,'' Light asked.

L looked out the back window.

"Yep ,'' L replied , "Though he might have a broken leg.''

"Alright , Misa ,'' Near said , "You've had your fun. Give me back the wheel.''

"No ,'' she stated , "I'm having fun. VROOM ! VROOM !''

"WATCH OUT ! ,'' Near shouted.

Misa hit a homeless man.

"SORRY ! ,'' she shouted.

Near put his face in his hands.

"We're going to hell ,'' the Albino said.

Misa turned the corner and smiled.

"This is awesome ,'' she said.

Next she ran over another homeless man. "SORRY !''

"FUCK ! ,'' Near shouted.

Misa ran over another person.

"I'll stop this ,'' L said.

Next he pinched her neck and Misa passed out. Near grabbed her and pulled her out of the seat. Next he got in to the driver's seat and sighed. Then the engine chugged and the van stopped moving.

"What's wrong ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"I don't know ,'' Near said.

Near got out of the van and walked over to the front of the van. Next he popped open the hood and looked at the engine. He looked up at the sky. "DAMN IT ALL !''

END OF CHAPTER : 19.


	20. Breakdown

DEATH NOTE :

"The Road Trip Of Insanity''

Chapter : 20 :

"Breakdown''

Near hopped back in to the driver's seat and shut the door. Next he looked back at everyone.

"Engine's dead ,'' he stated shrugging.

"WHAT ? ,'' Misa shouted.

"Great ,'' Light said.

"Now what do we do ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"L ? ,'' Near asked.

They all looked at the detective. He was sweating.

"Riuzaki ? ,'' Light asked.

"L ? ,'' Mellow asked.

"THAT'S IT ! ,'' L shouted grabbing his hair and closing his eyes , "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE ! I'VE HAD IT !''

"Are you okay , Riuzaki ? ,'' Misa asked putting her hand on his shoulder , "Take a chill pill.''

L looked at her hand and bit it. "OW !'' Misa pulled her hand back. "That hurt , you jerk.''

"What's wrong , Riuzaki ? ,'' Light asked , "Why did you bite Misa ?''

"Because you're all annoying ,'' L said , "I've had to listen to all your annoying voices , your bitching , your stupidity , your shit and everything. I've had to listen to Mellow and Near do nothing but bitch and argue with each other. Light is annoying and Misa is worse. Remind me to never and I mean NEVER do this again. I can't believe I let you idiots talk me in to coming on this stupid road trip in the first place. God what was I thinking when I decided to go on this stupid road trip with you guys ? Huh ?''

Everyone stared at the detective.

"Well - ,'' Mellow started.

"SHUT UP , MELLOW ! ,'' L shouted , "FUCK ALL OF YOU ! I'M LEAVING !''

L got out of the van and started to walk off.

"Where's he going ? ,'' Misa asked.

"I don't know ,'' Mellow said , "I want some chocolate.''

Mellow opened up his bag and pulled out a chocolate bar. Next he peeled the wrapper off and took a bite. "Mmmmm. Sweet chocolaty yum yums.'' Near stared at him. "What ?''

"Is that all you ever think about is Chocolate ? ,'' Near asked.

"No ,'' he replied.

"Oh ? ,'' Near asked , "What else do you think about ?''

"Ponies ,'' Mellow replied taking another bite of his chocolate bar.

Near stared at him and sighed.

"You're an idiot ,'' he said.

"Takes one to know one ,'' Mellow replied.

"What was that ? ,'' Near asked.

"You heard me ,'' he said.

"Well I don't think Misa and Light heard you ,'' Near said , "Did you guys ? Say it again.''

Mellow stared at him.

"I said it - ,'' Mellow started.

Near wrapped his hands around his neck and started to choke him.

"AHH ! ,'' Misa screamed , "STOP FIGHTING !''

Mellow brought his fist up and threw a punch at Near. Near moved his head and then head butted Mellow in the face knocking him unconscious. Misa looked down at him. "Did you kill him ?''

"No ,'' Near replied , "I just gave his brain some much needed oxygen.''

"Hmm ,'' Light said.

"I'm going to see if I can get the engine started ,'' Near said , "Misa want to help me ?''

"Sure ,'' she replied , "What do you need me to do ?''

"Get in the driver's side and hit the gas peddle when I tell you to ,'' Near instructed.

"Yes sir ,'' Misa said saluting the Albino.

Misa giggled and got in to the driver's side. Near opened the front hood and looked around. Next he lifted a wire and squinted. He saw a pair of beady little black eyes staring back at him.

"What the fuck ? ,'' Near asked.

Suddenly a squirrel jumped out of the engine and landed on Near's face. "FUCK ! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME !'' Near thrashed about and the squirrel jumped off of his head and then landed in Misa's hair. Misa screamed and started to thrash about.

"What ? ,'' Mellow asked.

The squirrel jumped off of her hair and landed in Mellow's. "AHHH ! FUCK ! IT'S IN MY HAIR ! HELP ! FUCK ME !'' Mellow fell out of the van backwards and started to roll around on the ground. Next the squirrel jumped off of his head and ran up Light's pants.

"OH , SHIT ! ,'' Light shouted , "IT'S IN MY PANTS !''

"HOLD STILL ! ,'' Mellow shouted aiming his gun at Light's pants.

Light looked at where he was aiming and covered that spot.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ? ,'' he shouted , "THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT ME IN THE NUTS !''

"Well then how else do you want me to get the furry critter out of your pants ? ,'' Mellow asked scratching his head.

"I DON'T KNOW ! ,'' Light shouted.

Mellow turned to his right and a goat head butted him in the crotch.

"SHIT ! ,'' he shouted passing out.

Light screamed and continued to thrash about. A few seconds later the squirrel jumped out of his pants and ran off. Light sighed. "It's gone.''

"DAMN IT ! ,'' Near shouted , "IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE HAD MY CAMERA ! I COULD HAVE VIDEO TAPED THAT ! THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS !''

Near fell to the floor laughing his ass off. Light sighed and saw a building a few feet ahead of them.

"Anime Convention ,'' Light read , "Hmm.''

"What's an Anime Convention ? ,'' Misa asked.

"It's a place where a whole bunch of characters from different Animes meet and have a party ,'' Near said , "Want to go ?''

Misa looked over at Light and then at Near.

"Sure ,'' Misa said taking Near's hand.

The two walked off to the anime convention leaving the chaos of their friends behind them.

THE END.


End file.
